Venom: Let There Be Carnage Review – Beat It Movie Reviews

This week on Beat It Movie Reviews, Joe Gets Snyder Cut (ouch), and we’re sponsored by Just the Two of Us: The Symbiote Dating App

What We’ve Been Watching:

Creature from the Black Lagoon


Dawn of the Dead

La Brea

Marvel’s What if

Squid Game

John Wick Chapter 4 Review Beat It Movie Reviews

We review John Wick Chapter 4! We also talk about Succession, Rocket Man (1997) and more! — Support this podcast:
  1. John Wick Chapter 4 Review
  2. Scream 6 Review
  3. Cocain Bear Review
  4. Kids vs Aliens Review!
  5. Sick & The Last of Us Ep. 1 Review

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Ch. 11 “Worm” | Techno-Virus (PATRON POST)


A new chapter of my superhero, zombie-noir novella is up on Patreon! This one is a patron-only post, however, you can read the first 10 chapter for free right HERE.

What is Techno-Virus?

In a world of super-powered men and women known as Ultra Cops, a disgraced former cop forms an unlikely team with a ten-year-old girl to prevent a deadly virus attack on Los Angeles.

Ch. 11 – “Worms”


Maris speeds away from the mall like she’s playing an arcade racing game with plenty of quarters to spare. Not that a speedy getaway is necessary thanks to Tetsuo’s posthumous program. The moment his neck snapped, the dying electrical charge of his brain sent a signal to his retinue of techno-zombies, bringing them to life. It must have been one hell of a sniper to pull off that shot all while his friends were getting rushed by a pack of demons.

Maris has the sense to drive a couple miles from the mall before stopping below an underpass to peel Hero off the roof of the car. She can’t wait to see him. Can’t wait for the praise. She pulled it off. Somehow. She saved him.

She pops the door open and leaps out, bouncing on the balls of her feet to peer up at him.

MARIS: Get up. We gotta get you home.

The metal whines as he pries his body from its grasp and falls on his hands and knees, blood flecking the ground around him.

HERO: Can’t… go… home.

He wheezes, his chest rattling like an empty paint can. Congealed masses of blood and puss slip off of his wounds and slap on the concrete like after birth as his enhanced immune-response works overtime. Maris’ hands go numb at the sight. She’s seen him bad. Flat on his ass drunk. Even shot up before. But that night at Gashapon’s gave her the false sense that Hero could survive anything. The sagging mass in front of her proves otherwise.

Continued on Patreon

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THE CANYONS (2013 FILM) with Andrei Konst – EP 117 – Shut Up I Love It

Writer/director Andrei Konst thinks highly of the 2013 erotic thriller THE CANYONS, the love child of Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Shrader. The film stars Lindsay Lohan and James Deen, AKA “the Ryan Gosling of porn” and according to Konst, is a Hollywood satire with a Brechtian purpose.

About Shut Up I Love It: Do you think toupees are actually cool? Is “Alien Resurrection” your favorite movie in the Alien franchise? Did the song “Miracles” by Insane Clown Posse make you cry? Hosted by comedians Sasha Feiler and Joe Cabello and joined by a comedy guest, SHUT UP I LOVE IT celebrates the aspects of life that make you go OOH and others go YUCK.

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Star Wars: Visions Review – Beat It Movie Reviews

In this episode of Beat It Movie Reviews, we apologize to the movie gods for not reviewing a movie, a 25-year-old movie gets the IMAX treatment, and we rank the episodes of Star Wars Visions. Check out this TV recap-packed episode!

John Wick Chapter 4 Review Beat It Movie Reviews

We review John Wick Chapter 4! We also talk about Succession, Rocket Man (1997) and more! — Support this podcast:
  1. John Wick Chapter 4 Review
  2. Scream 6 Review
  3. Cocain Bear Review
  4. Kids vs Aliens Review!
  5. Sick & The Last of Us Ep. 1 Review

What We’ve Been Watching:

  • The Premise
  • Ghost in the Shell (1995) IMAX
  • What If
  • Creep Show Season 3
  • Major League
  • Apocalypto
  • Desperado
  • Space Truckers
  • Kate
  • Ted Lesso
  • Reservation Dogs
  • Nine Perfect Strangers



9. Akakiri (Science Saru)

8. Lap and Ocho (Geno Studio)

7. The Elder (Studio Trigger – Promare)

6. The Village Bride (Kinema Citrus)

5. The Twins (Studio Trigger)

4. The Dual (Kamikaze Douga)

3. Tatooine Rhapsody (Studio Colorido)

2. T0-B1 (Science Saru)

1. The Ninth Jedi (Production IG – Ghost in the Shell)


9. Akakiri

8. The Village Bride

7. Tatooine Rhapsody

6. Lop & Ocho

5. The Elder

4. The Duel

3. The Twins

2. T0-B1

1. The Ninth Jedi

A Sneaking Suspicion (humor essay)

I’m no Stephen Hawking. I don’t claim to have figured out the secrets to the universe or anything like that, but I’ve recently been struck with a startling suspicion all the same.

I’m beginning to suspect that it may have been Maybelline this whole time.

Now, I’m not saying there haven’t been one or two instances where she’s been born with it. There are always outliers, after all, and I’ll be the first to admit that my investigation has been amateurish at best, but I’m just saying, given what we do know, if I were a betting man, I’d put my money on it having been Maybelline more times than not.

Originally posted on Patreon

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Bombshell & the Unwitting Alienation of its Audience

Bombshell is a dramatized depiction of the sexual harassment allegations against head of Fox News, Roger Ailles, that ultimately lead to his firing from the company just months before the election of Donald Trump. At times it’s stylistically reminiscent of Adam McKay’s Big Short and Vice, yet never fully adopts a consistent motif the way McKay’s work does. It sits on bizarre narrative ground mixing real footage spliced with the film’s actors, obviously dramatized scenes, and the tiniest dash of surrealism that evokes a feeling that the director was trying to Ape McKay’s work but didn’t fully understand why other than it being a movie based on true events. The often distracting visual storytelling is the least of its issues and not what I want to talk about. It’s biggest issue is its merit to exist in the first place.

I’m not one to say a movie should not exist full stop. I’m the type of sucker who is happy for any movie to exist for the people who connect with it, even if that’s not me. In this context, I’m looking at it as a major release, which if nothing else means it demands an audience – a large audience. But who is this large audience and who could they possibly be made up from?

I do think this is a movie that needs to be seen, the same way an office sexual harassment film needs to be seen. That doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable. The core of the movie is powerful no matter how clunkily delivered. It’s a movie that says something complex about what might be defined as the issue of the decade, harassment and power dynamics, but I fail to grasp who this movie is for. Conservatives aren’t likely to sit through two hours of slams on Fox News and attacks on their very identity. On the other side, liberals aren’t eager to watch their real life villains played as victims turned heroes, no matter what truth the movie holds.

This is a shame because the message is clear. Harassment is not a liberal issue. Harassment is a human issue, and it can find victims in villains; people whose morality can be seen as ambiguous at best. It is still harassment nonetheless. It is still wrong. It also conveys the complicated nature of harassment. That it’s not as simple as there being perpetrators and victims. The crystal clear act of harassment can be obfuscated by murky waters. Sometimes the very roots of the perpetrator and the victim can become tangled and intertwined under the soil of nurturance and ambition, and that abusers can play both the role of angel and devil. Ultimately, the movie lands, as we all should, on the fact that harassment can’t be wiped clean by good deeds, and it is no less egregious when the other victim appears to be, or is, willing to participate. 

Whether true or false, helpful or harmful, pundits at Fox News like Megyn Kelly, Gretchen Carlson, and their ilk are seen by many liberals to be enemies of democracy and truth, no matter to what degree you could argue they’ve fought for those two things within the confines of Fox News. The film makes a point to speak to the stain that is being a part of Fox News, but it’s    a stain that can’t help but harm a liberal audience’s connection with the film’s protagonists. They are protagonists a liberal audience will struggle to root for. Not because of any flaws their characters are shown to have in the movie, but the flaws we know them to have as humans in our real lives.

Yes, it’s an accurate and important look at the perils of fighting harassment. That in and of itself should be important, but if I can be so extreme, imagine a movie about harassment towards a female officer within the Nazi party in 1930s Germany.  At the end of the day, it’s still another Nazi getting harassed. Down with them all. Is that being unfair to Megyn Kelly and Gretchen Taylor – yes, but I can’t help but imagine its a shared sentiment among many fervent liberals. That isn’t the mindset we should have, nor is it what the film wants us to have, but it hangs in the film like a stench the film doesn’t have the olfactory senses to pick up on.

It’s a story that feels unfinished. It ends on a tone that sways between hopeful and hopeless.The end text card itself states how Ailles was awarded more money than all the victims combined. “It was never about the money,” he tells Rupert Murdoch. Maybe not, but you have the money AND the damage has been done. In real life, villains never really get theirs. 

Just months after the events of the film, Trump would become president. The film’s events are a small victory shadowed by tremendous defeat. It’s a movie that counts on reality to finish its story, and when has reality ever been as good as the movies?

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Once Upon a Time in Knowing Hollywood History

Just like any movie, there are endless reasons a moviegoer may have disliked Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Even the most lauded films have their detractors after all. There is no greater proof than the fact that there are people  who believe Children of Men is a bad film (pray for them). On the other hand, I once met a guy whose favorite movie of all time – of all time! – was Shanghai Knights (sorry to knock Shanghai Knights, but you get it). Movies are personal, so a critique only holds as much weight as you give it.

There is, however, one reason people may have hated Tarantino’s newest effort that bears such credence it can’t be ignored. That is the fact that the final act’s emotional resonance hinges on the viewer knowing a fading piece of Hollywood history: the Tate Murders.

Image result for the tate murders

Those familiar with the Tate Murders are rolling their eyes at the very notion that the Tate Murders are esoteric in any way, while those who left Once Upon a Time questioning what Margot Robbie was even doing in the movie are saying “thank you.”

I’ve seen the movie three times. It’s safe to say it’s going to be in my Top Ten – hell, Top Five – and possibly even my number one movie of 2019. But if your criticisms derive from the fact that you didn’t know about the Tate Murders beforehand (which isn’t your fault), I completely understand. I might even agree with you given the lens you viewed the movie through.

Ultimately though, the movie just wasn’t made for you.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a movie made for people at least somewhat familiar with the Tate Murders. Full disclosure, I went into the movie only knowing the following:

  • Sharon Tate was an actress.
  • She was murdered by Manson acolytes.
  • Margot Robbie plays her in the movie.

Luckily, that’s the bare minimum the movie begs you to know. Sharon Tate’s inevitable fate gives the character purpose. That’s why every part of Margot Robbie’s performance played for me. Her sincere and innocent love of life . Her pregnant belly, a distended symbol of a hopeful future.  Her destiny mutates that pregnant belly into a school bus without a steering wheel hurtling towards a brick wall. It’s what makes the ending so cathartic. With his fairy tale reconstruction of history, Tarantino gives us a steering wheel. My mom, who remembers the murders like they were yesterday, wept at the end, lamenting, “Why couldn’t real life be like that?”

Image result for once upon a time in hollywood sharon tate

For someone like my girlfriend, who grew up in France, far away from the bubble of Hollywood-centric culture, everything I just stated was entirely absent. Robbie’s inclusion seemed like nothing more than fruitless eye candy. The ending wasn’t cathartic. It was confusing. Violent without reason.

If only she would have known… But she didn’t. For her, it wasn’t a great movie. It was one of the most disappointing failures of the year.

For me, it’s Top Ten – hell, Top Five – and possibly even my number one movie of 2019.

With the exception of four-quadrant films, not every movie is made for everyone. That’s how we get some of the most interesting works. Hereditary is an incredible movie, but there are many people who will never see it simply because they don’t watch movies to be scared. That’s perfectly fine. Why watch a movie if you’re going to hate the experience? People like myself, and I suspect many of you reading this, might be eager to watch a challenging film, but for many people, watching a movie is just about having some simple fun.

Related image

That brings us back to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and the questions it evokes. Does a movie need to connect with everyone to be considered a great film? Is there a point where a movie has an obligation to appeal to a broad audience? Or is this more about the film suffering from the unignorable flaw of its audience needing to know information not present in the film to truly grasp it? Would this not even be an issue if Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was just some small, independent film whose reach didn’t extend past its niche? Probably not.

If you’re not in on the joke, who do you get mad at? Yourself or the filmmaker?

Can we only truly judge a film in terms of who it was made for, not caring about the opinion of those whom it was not?

If film making is a battle between creator and viewer, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood seemingly breaks the rules of engagement, but it’s not as if Tarantino hasn’t broken the rules before. It’s what he does. And it might be what I love most about his newest film.

My Favorite Type of “Breaking Into Hollywood” Story

Since breaking into Hollywood as a screenwriter can be a long journey, it’s not uncommon to see people post about their breaking-in story after they’ve finally got their shot. They usually have a quasi-inspirational tone to them, urging others not to give up or feel bad that they haven’t achieved success yet.

Unfortunately, most of them sound something like this:

“The movie I wrote comes out this week. People are calling me an overnight success, but let me tell you a little bit about my ‘overnight’ success, because my 15 year journey has been anything but.

15 years ago I moved to Los Angeles and got the only job I could. An office assistant at a real estate company.

14 years ago I finished writing my first script and got my agent.

12 years ago I quit my office assistant job because I was making a living off screenwriting, rewriting studio films and making a solid living.

10 years ago I was EPing my first TV show while a script I wrote got produced in Germany.

3 years ago I wrote a spec script with my good friend and we were lucky enough to get Chris Evans attached to the lead role.

1 year ago that movie was greenlit.

Next week it comes out in theaters. Don’t let anyone tell you that success happens overnight. It took me 15 years.”

Fuck off.

It’s like those old Hollywood writers whose stories are always like, “I moved to Hollywood in 1932. My first day there I went into a grocery store to buy a ham sandwich for a nickel, and a producer started talking to me and asked ‘do you want to write pictures?’ I said OK and the rest was history.”


Episode 3 of the Joe Cabello Show!

You’re here for writing, so why am I posting audio?! Send all complains to @joecabello on twitter while you enjoy listening to the new episode of my podcast!

Joe Cabello (Five @ 305) and Brenden Leigh ( are joined by Julian Vargas where Brenden tricks us into revealing that we’re gay, Julian brings his heated hip-hop opinions, and Brenden lays down the law on a certain word that I won’t dare type. for Brenden’s music

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Thanks for listening/reading! Next week I’ll have another real blog post so stay tuned!  If you haven’t read it, check out my review of Tomb Raider! Follow me on twitter @joecabello

Korean Movie Review Podcast Ep. 1 – Confidential Assignment

I’m very excited to announce Korean Movie Review, my new podcast focused on reviewing Korean movies that are new to US cinema, specifically movies playing at the CGV Cinema in LA.

Here’s a little about the show:

Hosts Joe Cabello (author Scrote One, The Farts Awakens) and Fred Le (Sherane Musical Comedy Show) review a new Korean film each week. They’ll be coming from the point of view of outsiders who don’t normally keep up to date on Korean cinema, nor will they know much about the movie before seeing it. What you’ll get is an earnest review.

As we record more episodes and watch more movies, I imagine our relationship to Korean cinema will change. So stay tuned and check us out!

This week:

Joe and Fred review Confidential Assignment starring Hyun Bin and Yoo Hai Jin, directed by Seong-Hoon Kim. Our special guest is LA comedian and musican, Marcella Riley.

Listen on Google Play Music

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When a crime organization from North Korea crosses borders and enters South Korean soil, a South Korean detective must cooperate with a North Korean detective to investigate their whereabouts.

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