Concerns Over Your Music Player’s New User Agreement

Dear Alpha Computers support,

I’ve been using MusicSource to play and buy music for years, and I really love it. I especially appreciate the regular updates and new features, like your recent June 2nd release. For some reason, before I downloaded the new version, I decided to glance over the new user agreement, something I rarely do before agreeing to those things. Although I’m excited for the new Instant Mash-up feature and enhanced interface, some parts of the agreement stuck out as strange to me, so I’ve forgone updating until I could clear up some parts of it. Like the following:

XIIa. Your blood is ours.

Firstly, I’m not exactly sure what that means. Secondly, it doesn’t sound good. So, here’s a few questions:

Do you plan on taking my blood? Would you be taking it all at once, or would you take a little at a time? If I get a blood transfusion does that blood count as yours? If I have a jar of blood that I’ve purchased, will that blood also constitute as yours? Are we talking specifically to phlebotomy, or does “blood” equate to “kin?”

Aside from the blood aspect, there was also this part of the agreement:

XXXIII: You won’t see the eyes of the demon, until he comes calling.

This doesn’t seem like something I can control, so I’m hesitant to agree to it. I feel like that’s more in the hands of the “demon” whomever that is. Which raises a good question, who is this demon? Does this have something to do with the blood thing?

Then, of course, there was this section:

XL: You will be a sacrifice to the demon Omutep.

This one definitely makes sense of the preceding two, but I just wanted to make sure no words were getting minced here. Let me know if i have this right: Omutep will be coming to take my blood, which will be legally yours, and I won’t see his eyes until he comes calling, something I’m sure Omutep will be arranging himself. Is that about right?

If so, I’m on board and ready to start making some mash-ups, but if it comes with some fucking bullshit U2 album or something I’ll be pissed.

Twitter @joecabell0