The Last Dragons [An Slightly Erotic, Bizarre Fiction about Dragons]

 

Prior to this, I’ve posted this on my official site, JoeCabello.com, and quickly realized (through the power of analytics) that many people were finding it by googling “dragon sex stories” or “dragons having sex with humans stories.” That’s, unfortunately, not what this story is about, though it does have some erotic elements for the sake of comedy.

Hopefully you enjoy it as it was intended, as it is not “sexy” enough to be considered successful erotic literature

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Graydis was only one of three dragons left in a world once thickly populated with dragons. He was on his way to mate with the last female dragon, Kirdana, but he was dreading it. Kirdana was nice enough, especially considering the slim pickings, but having sex with dragon women was awful.

Male dragons had smooth, almost glass-like phalluses, however, female dragon vaginas were filled with sharp barbs. They were a vestigial trait from eons before to help dragon mate while in the air. Many dragons would slip out in mid-flight. Ironically, the barbs became so awful that the male dragons began avoiding mating at all costs. Most were happy just to pleasure themselves and call it a day. Graydis greatly preferred it.

Failed Movie Pitches

Romeo in Joliet

Before his final triste with Juliet, Romeo falls into a magical well, transporting him to Joliet, Illinois where he falls in love with a rough and tumble corn farmer named Sarah.

One Nightstand

Serial-dater, Jenna, keeps all the names of her conquests in her nightstand, but when she finally meets “Mr. Right,” she has to decide if she’s ready to take a chance on love, or if she’ll go back to her old ways. The nightstand talks as well.

Trick or Treat

Last Halloween a group of drunk teenagers accidentally killed and hid the body of famed actor Treat Williams. One year later, mysterious scripts appear on their door, with roles perfect for Treat Williams, and violent things start happening around them.

Post-Apocalyptic Pick-Up Lines

I have food.

I have shelter.

I can protect you from the Blood Ravens.

I won’t rape you.

Want to get out of here? (followed by a double suicide.)

Is that a knife, or are you just happy to see me? (it’s a knife and the person stabs you with it, taking your food and supplies)

Do you have any raisins? Well, then how about a date? Any food at all? Please.

You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute. He’s blind from the radioactive pulse.

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. (mostly to assess the utility of your potential partner)

Do you have a map? Because I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. Also, is there anything else out there, or is it all wasteland now?

Is it hot in here, or is it just the oncoming fire tornadoes?

Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night. Or away from the Blood Ravens.

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? Seriously, the temperature is dropping incredibly fast. We may need to huddle for warmth.